do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
