...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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