Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
