I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
