she woke up with a sticky ear
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
