this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
