you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
