Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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