I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize