She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
