I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
