Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
