like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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