no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
