I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
