I puked a lego.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
