Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
