he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
