She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im holly from the hills drunk
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
