U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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