The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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