Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just puked most of my soul out..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
