so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
