woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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