so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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