mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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