Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
