new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
