she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Randomize
