I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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