Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
