i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
