Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
