so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
