no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
