I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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