Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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