I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
