As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
