yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
