so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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