Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
