my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
