oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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