Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
