I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
