oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
