Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Pooping to opera.
Randomize