i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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