what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
