I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
