Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
