you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
