I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
