I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
