Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
