Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
