I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
