i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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