But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize