We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I have demons in me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
