my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
