I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
