I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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