Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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