they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
