I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
