RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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