i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
In America we eat man semen.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
