And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
