It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
