my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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