I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize