You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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