im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Panties = found
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
