My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
