I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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