remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
