just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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