Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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