I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
