I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
