If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
