Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
