Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
