i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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