So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
false alarm. still invincible.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
