i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
