420 ftw
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
